Demon Possession Made Easy: Check This Site
by Jim Washburn
How often how you wondered: "What on Earth has possessed my spouse? All she thinks about is sex!" Well, now you can find out, thanks to a handy website run by the Rev. Cotton Marcus and the Church of St. Marks. I'm damned if their website says where they're located, but my guess is the deep South.
Rev. Marcus is "A credentialed exorcist with the American Association of Exorcists," and once you've answered the questionaire on his site, you'll automatically be told the name and characteristics of the demon that's living in you or your accursed loved one. I, for example, am possessed by MiiTaak, the demon of complacence and slothfulness. Actually, you don't have to answer many of the questions in the affirmative at all to be told you're possessed. It explains a lot, doesn't it?
Comments
I won a PIRJU! Here’s my Demonalysis from their website:
“You may be afflicted with a demon known as PIRJU
Pirju is the demon of rage and violence. It is fire and destruction he wishes to rain on the good and innocent. He can drive peaceful, kind people to rage against any perceived affront and to become violent at the drop of a hat. Signs: those afflicted with Pirju will have a purple, swollen tongue. In addition to being enraged, they will shriek at an extremely high volume. Their pupils can turn the color of blood. They will tend to cut or tear at their own flesh if given the chance – keep all sharp implements away from them.”
Say, what’s going on with my tongue? ROOOAARRRR!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!! Where are my scissors?
2010-06-27 by Dave
Well, hell, I’m possessed by MiiTaak too, who I think is the demon of, besides complacence and slothfulness, working at home.
2010-06-27 by Nathan the editor