Fidel Castro to Compete on “Dancing With the Stars”

by Jim Washburn

First it was Penn Jillette. Now another respected world leader will be struttin' his stuff on the hit TV program Dancing With the Stars. Cuba's Fidel Castro has outlasted 10 U.S. presidencies, and is more than ready to take all comers on the dance floor. Though some of the contenders are a quarter of his age, the iconic 83-year-old former Cuban leader boasted, "I bury these cockaroaches!"

Castro has rarely been seen in public since 2006, when he had emergency abdominal surgery, just because he could, because health care is free in Cuba. You can even have gastric bypass surgery, so it'll feel like you're getting enough to eat.

Though Castro has remained a prolific writer—authoring weekly editorial commentaries and translating the works of Tony Robbins into Spanish—he has been a virtual recluse for years. It was a surprise to everyone this past Saturday when Castro popped out of a pork-shaped pinata at a conference on the Middle East, and proceded to do the Charleston in front of the astonished crowd. “C'mon everybody, jazz hands!” he cried, and soon scientists and laymen alike were following Castro in a conga line that snaked into the Pacific Ocean, only coming ashore on the Gaza Strip, where Castro slew a manticore.

Despite this recent show of vitality, many remain skeptical of the bearded leader's chances on the highly competitive dance show. Miami resident, convicted terrorist and longtime Castro critic Luis Posada Carriles scoffs, “Are you kidding? The severed head of Che Guevara dances better than Fidel. He has no passion. I mean, the last time he had a boner, Jackie Kennedy was wearing pillbox hats.”

Here's CNN's entirely less interesting take on the TV appearance Castro is slated to make today.

Comments

Comments closed.