The Masochism Tango
by Jim Washburn
You've probably heard by now that California State Senator Roy Ashburn, Republican, has bravely come forward to announce to the world that he is gay, gay he tells you, some hours after the world had sort of figured that out for itself. That was after news reports that Ashburn had been arrested driving from a Sacramento gay bar, reportedly sporting a .14 alcohol level when stopped by police.
You have to wonder if Ashburn didn't keep his testicles in a painful restraint harness all the times when he was voting against gay rights, just to enhance the self-degradation. I don't know if there's a greater percentage of masochism in the gay world than in the straight, just that they're better at it. In recent times the old roles have been evaporating in a spray of Captain Morgan, but there remains some vestigial trait in women to add a modicum of responsibility and consequence to the sexual equation, to be the one to say, "No, you are not putting that there!" whereas men would stick their dicks in a particle accelerator if they suspected some new sensation might be derived from it.
And what could be kinkier than to be in a position of power, and to use that power to keep the boot heel on the neck of people just like yourself? What if Ashburn (where's the W, loser?) and his ilk are doing their best to bring back the old filthy, Larry-Craig-in-a-farty-mens-room view of gay sex, so they can go on loathing themselves as much as they'd like.
Ashburn wasn't nearly so introspective in his statement to the press: "What can I say? I just love that cock." Sorry, he didn't really say that, but he should have.
So there he was at night, and many nights according to patrons, having a Gay Old Party at Faces nightspot with fellow gays, and then he'd go vote against gay-accepting measures, claiming he was representing the interests of his Bakersfield constituents, you know, the ones who probably would have been real interested to know if he was gay before they cast their votes for him. Privacy, even for politicians, should be valued, but when they're pushing agendas interfering with the private concerns of others, the hell with 'em.
Boy, do I wish I'd thought of this take on he story, which blogger Andy Borowitz did:
"GOP Lawmaker Demands Recall of Car That Drove Him to Gay Bar"
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