The Rep. Mark Souder Affair: Do Hypocrites Make Better Lovers?

by Jim Washburn

Looks like there’s more penis trouble in the GOP.

It doesn’t get much better than this: a fake interview produced to save a lazy press from conducting its own interviews, in which House member Mark Souder (R-Indiana) discusses his unflagging support for abstinence-only sex education. And who better to lead the charge for the efficacy of moral willpower than a Congressman alleged to be banging his own part-time staffer, who is the fake reporter interviewing him.

That’s the alleged part. He’s admitted to having an affair with a part-time staffer; he just hasn’t named the name, Tracy Jackson, that everyone else is naming. If Ms. Jackson hasn’t been banging Souder, my apologies. I’d feel sorrier for her still, though, if she was banging him.

I’m guessing she was. Watch the video.

You can feel the electricity across that wooden table, like it’s a first date at Marie Callender’s.

I can see why socially conservative men sin: it’s that old forbidden fruit and what’s the point in having power if you can’t taste it, right boys? But what’s in it for the woman? If she wants power, there are more direct means of getting it than fucking some tubby blowhard with a comb-over. Like running for office herself. You don’t see Kay Bailey Hutchison sucking pachyderm hose to court power. Like the song says, woman’s got the power now. Well, a fraction of it anyway: Of the 535 seats in Congress, only 16.8 percent are occupied by a woman, so maybe don’t put the kneepads away just yet.

In case you’re wondering which party has more regard for women, in the Senate, there are 4 female Republicans, 13 Democrats; in the House, it’s 17 Republicans, 56 Democrats. So Democrats trust and respect women 3.28 times more than Republicans do, yet women persist in having affairs with Republican congressmen.

All I can figure is that hypocritical prigs must make tremendous lays. When all that Bible-thumping gets in the way of masturbation, they must have a lot of pent up passion yearning for release. Mark Souder might look like Roger Ebert’s stunt double, but once he’s on satin sheets, maybe he turns into Prince.

I’ve done some stupid things in my life—like inhaling cap gun smoke from my Mattel Tommy Gun til I got woozy—so I’m not inclined to judge others too harshly, or at all when I can help it. But when you get assholes in Congress making votes that ruin lives, based on a load of hooey they don’t believe themselves, it bears mention.

You can read more on the Washington Post site.

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